Wait

I think it’s that dreaded wait in your doctor’s waiting room rather than the actual doctor’s appointment that drives many of us adults to self-cure ourselves. I promiseee just the thought of having to sit in a roomful of coughing, spluttering and miserable humans for more than 40 minutes has frightened many an oncoming ail to retreat from me! Don’t know why GPs even bother with appointments if they’re always running an hour late.

It seems so much of our life is spent waiting on things. Like –

Waiting for your noddles to boil. 
Waiting for the water to turn hot before you step under the shower. 
Waiting for the traffic light to turn green. 
Waiting for your visa approval
Hanging out for lunchtime. 
Pacing for your exam results since this morning. 
Tapping your feet for The Crown season 3 to be uploaded. 
Counting down to payday. 
Just…waiting for it.all.to.jus.get.better. 

Now I’ve found there’s two schools of thought on waiting:

1.) Good things come to those who wait. (110% endorsed by Suruj
2.) Life is now – don’t wait for a tomorrow that may not happen.

And it is between these two fuckeries where you’d find me churning on a high-speed washing machine spin these days.

I admit I am guilty of waiting. I tend to reserve or save or hold out on things for another time, a later time, a time when it all will be a little bit more better. *whispers* In fact some days I just might belong to that group in the population who walk around dragging their feet, chanting in slow-mo like Rakhee from Karan-Arjun that acche din aayege (good days are on its way). Yes, I suppose I never got that whole memo about dancing-in-the-rain.

A younger sibling tartly pointed out during a little spat not that long ago that I had no idea how to just have a good time. As much as their retort bristled me, they were quite right. I could just never be this live-in-the-moment person. I don’t know about you, Dear Reader but I’m one of those people whose just never had things happen to at the right time. Life has always happened to me either a few years too early or a decade too late. When friends were busy partying, I was pouring concrete on Saturday afternoons. When cousins were making babies, I was backpacking the world. When friends were buying their 2nd investment properties, I was scourging money for a start-up. Now married friends are planning their retirement funds together and here I am still with 4 cups and 2 mismatched plates in my kitchen cupboard.

So I’m like always down in my lists, planning for what’s ahead so that that too doesn’t pass me by. It’s not like I haven’t tried. I have tried to let it all go and just being. Having that zero expectations, practicing the mindfulness, looking at the glass half-full…but if life is what it is now then is this as good as it gets?

I had hoped that by the time I’d be nearing the end of this week’s Sunday column, I would have come up with a very @maharishisharon sort of warped observation about (that only makes sense to my regular readers!) whether to wait for acche din or not, but – I don’t.

This Sunday I am simply overwhelmed with everything that is happening around me. Maybe it’s the smoke from the bushfires burning around NSW that’s shrouded Sydney, or lack of sleep lately or my new day job or this pressing weight of emptiness on my heart.

So trust me, Dear Reader when I say I know exactly what it’s like when it all gets too much.

I leave you with these words written by John Steinbeck in 1958. They gave me great comfort this week – I hope you find some in it, too. “If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”

 

Happy Sunday, Dear Reader.
Shyamni. x

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